The start

Attitude: Determined!

I have already wasted to much of this summer procrastinating. I know I will not see any progress until I do something about it and I know that I cannot rely on anyone else to motivate me.
Right now I'm unhappy with what I see. I have a stomach, weight on my thighs, arms and middle. Thankfully with my height, I just look overweight instead of obese. Plus I still have legs(yes I can say I have nice legs)...I know I can get back to leaner, meaner and toner me. I've used my weight as a security blanket for years, to cushion the blow of self belittling and abuse from others. i will continue to play the victim if i hide behind excuses, this is why I'm making a change.

I will track all my progress in my weight loss page...thanks for reading

Within Temptation - Utopia (feat. Chris Jones)

Screw you fat

So I'm finally taking life by the reins. I have been single for two months...I've done enough to destroy all the progress I have made for the last year. Next month I'm joining Booty Camp Fitness with a friend(Mandy).

It will be hard, I will want to cry...but this is the motivation I need. tomorrow is also day one of eating regime. I've been border line boozer for the last week, enjoying my last glass of Sangria for a while.
Lunches made at home, walks every night with the dog, biking and weights. Christine is also going to give me some fitness DVD's.

I can't wait. Fore more info on the boot camp:
http://www.bootycampfitness.com/

Day in pictures: exploring the area

Dechênes Ruins:19th century stone walls, arches, canal works, mill ruins, etc. on the islands at the Deschênes Rapids in Hull. You can see the city of Ottawa in the background

The Pup: exploring the river, a bit hesitant but extremely curious.



A piece of history: I love finding remnants of civilization that have been claimed by nature


Wild beauty: I adore wild flowers

Randomness Tuesday: Art dump

So here are some oldies but goodies. I'm hoping that once things calm down, I can start enjoying art again. Till then, enjoy.

Paintings and Sketches

Photography

YUCK, YUCK YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK i've failed as a home owner this week. Ottawa and Gatineau implemented the green and brown bin program for organic waste(fruits, vegetables, egg shells etc), we got the bin Wednesday. I've probably have 10 or so waste bags from the move, alot of food(from the various people staying here) and alot of recycling. Garbage is only picked up Monday, unfortunately I had a full bag of trash on Wednesday. I put the bag out on my patio and the absent minded idiot that I was, left it out all night. Of course the bag was attacked, I cleaned up the mess and put the trash in my big black bin. Fast forward to today, I open to bin to add some more trash..MAGGOTS!....slimy wormy larvae everywhere. There is no way I'm even going to attempt to pull the bags out, shake the bin and wash it.

Some people suggested salt, I emptied the entire box and nothing! then just squirm over it. I buy javex, then I think to myself...perhaps mixing the two is not a good idea. So tomorrow I will get some raid, spray the crap out of the bin and hope by Monday morning the garbage and the maggots will be gone.
If I could I would just take some lighter fluid and just set all the trash (bugs included) on fire.
Now I'm terrified about the green bins with this hot and humid weather. I'm also (since I'm already on a rant) done with the mutated spiders and moths who invade my front and back door each night. I get bombarded by the moths when I leave the house and when I enter. The spiders build massive webs, I wake up to sheets of dead moths.

Bring on the fall, I'm done with this summer

The game of dating

I can't explain why the whole concept of dating is actually so very unappealing, obviously just ending a 6 year relationship is one of the biggest contributing factors.....other then that I'm just not in the mind set to even care.
Yes I get lonely at times, I also envy other people who are in relationships, but at this current point in my life I just can't see myself opening up to another individual. Perhaps I'm apprehensive(justly so) and just slightly bitter. I'm not one to think all men are "pigs", but with my track record I have a hard time convincing myself that there are "decent " men out there. I also let my ego(such a pain in the ass) tell me that I'm not good enough at this current point, that all men have a certain body image in mind when meeting someone new and that I'm far to "fat" to enter the dating field.

Now if ever ready to jump back into the scene, where do you begin? Do you try the online dating, such as POF? spend some bucks and try E Harmony?
Perhaps rely on friends? unfortunately my friends don't know any single men my age...seriously that is a bit dis heartening. This is one of the things I feared when I got older, why I resent staying in dead end relationship for so long. It seems like the older I got, my confidence that I could find someone would dwindle. Of course many would say I'm over re-acting, perhaps the single life is not as bad as it seems and the right guy will come along.

I have to convince myself that there is some truth in that. If i learn to care about me, be happy with who I'm i will attract the man for me....yeah it sounds a like a bunch of BS right now, but everything takes time.
I have to dig down deep and find the person i used to be, dust that part of me off and tell them to get their act in gear. Get in shape for me, get out and meet new people.

This is the first step on a long uncertain road, can't wait to get started!

Green with envy?

Haha, I kid. But I do love green, can you tell?
Green(circa 1996) carpet is temporary for now, but I love the wall colour, Wales green. More pix to come when I start to get things a bit more organized.

Someone has claimed his couch, Buddha cat!

Fan girl scream.....

Wow....Ryan Renolds as Green Lantern. Could possibly be another terrible movie from Marvel(Spider man, Ghost Rider, the last two X-men) but for a topless Renolds I will see it :P.

Where are my sheep?!

Our imagination is an amazing thing, it can also be an entertaining way to keep yourself sane at 3am in the morning when you can't sleep anymore. I know everyone has had their nights where you just suddenly wake up and that's it, your body will not let you go back to bed. You toss and turn, you get up to pee thinking maybe if you empty your bladder you can magically fall asleep afterwards or maybe you are dehydrated, so you drink some water perhaps... all in all you try anything just to distract yourself. It is in the early hours of the day where your mind starts playing tricks on you and the weirdest thoughts come flying into your head. Things get so blurred, you have no idea whether you are still awake or asleep.

Weirdly enough you feel wired, your body tricks you to think...it's ok, you can function on two hours of sleep...yes this is a lie!. You start to crash, slow at first and then you nose dive into exhaustion. You can't type, your head is pounding and your opening line on the phone at work sounds like an alien language.

It is 4:30, you have 30 min to go until the end of the day. These last 30 min feel more like 30 hours. Staring at the computer screen, it takes you 15 min to type the next line of your blog......

This is the start of Random blah blah Tuesdays.....Just some fun on my blog. Post something random

Home owners club, day one and two!

I can now proudly say I'm now part of the homeowners club, as my friend Olgies would say:"Woot Woot!".



First of all I want to thank my supportive family and friends, you stood by while I struggled to find myself. You saw me fall more then once; were patient while I said I was ready to leave and even more patient with me when I decided to give it another chance. You were the first to lend a hand when I decided to take that very scary leap into the unknown and hugged me when I cried and fell apart. You never judged me or gave up on me like others may have, you loved me unconditionally no matter what...I love you all for this.

To those who judged me, did not believe I could better myself, go F@CK yourselves! You lost out on an amazing friendship and it is not my loss...it's yours. I'm thankful I saw through the bullshit.



Home.....

After much anxiety and constantly watching the office door as I anticipated the courier's arrival, I finally had my keys. I did not officially have possession until the 10Th, but I could not resist sneaking a peek at the place. Thankfully no one was there and I was free to explore.

It felt a bit odd, I could not convince myself that this was mine...perhaps I'm still in denial.



Saturday morning my parents came and we started to work. Dad started re tiling the shower( there were two massive cracks in the wall), while mom and I scrubbed away at the grime. I was not at all surprised with how dirty everything was, but I've seen worse. We only did a small dent into what needs to be cleaned that day, but i was happy with the progress.

Sunday, power washed the front of the house(curtains of dead bugs thanks to the flood light) and painted the front door. Also puttied the holes for the painters. We were supposed to have three quotes Sunday, only one of the painters showed. We were pissed, but expected as much.
Just seems a lot to be done in such a short amount of time. Kitchen sink and faucet need to be replaced and the sink in the washroom. New floors installed tomorrow and the furniture is coming Wednesday. Thankfully while I'm here at work, my father is contacting painters. Everything has fallen into place, so I will keep manifesting. I have been very blessed and continue to be thankful.

I'm looking forward to next Saturday night when I can put my feet up, enjoy a nice glass of wine and feel at home officially.

Blessed be

gluten free cooking

http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&username=carlaspacher


She seems have some interesting recipes

One determined pup

Six days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing else that needs to be said, have an amazing week everyone!

Happy Canada Day...week prior and this week

Today I'm just taking it easy. I did the first coat on my friend's baby room and depending on how quickly the paint dry's I may do another coat.

Last night I finally signed the last of the mortgage papers at the La Caisse, next week I see the Notary. Nine more days, it seems so surreal. I have never really had my own place, something that is all my own. No more landlords, people telling me what I can and cannot do. If i want to leave a god damn plate on the counter for 5 days I can!!!!

The week prior

Weekend was fun. I met with Olga, Christine, Gordon, Paul and Serge. We headed to Lac Leamy park for a full moon ritual. For those who do not know me, I'm eclectic spiritually and open to trying new things. It has been a while since I've hung out with my light worker friends and it felt wonderful to re connect. Olga has moved to Gatineau, so I have a friend another friend on the Quebec side to hang out with, I plan on having a girl's night once I settle in.
Prior to meeting with friends I spent the day with my parents, bought some tile for the shower and some new vinyl floors for the kitchen an entrance(I'm figuring this will not be my"forever home" so I won't spend to much to much on my first home).
I'm deviating again, back to Saturday night. I had a good time, a bit angry with with one situation. I'm an animal rights advocate, I believe all living creatures should be protected and humans should respect their place on this planet. It is due to our greed that devastating enviromental diasters occur, yet do we even learn from these tragedies?

I believe parents should teach their children to be kind to animals and other living things, sadly this is not always the case.

I had to "parent" someone elses' child, yelling at the kid who was going to smack a baby raccoon with a stick. Of course the parents just sat there, on their asses doing nothing as their hyperactive children threw sticks at the baby raccoons, not even acknowledging that this could be dangerous for their child and for the animal....arghhhh.

After being eaten alive by mosquitoes, we went to La Station for diner....disgusting. I wasn't hungry to begin with so I decided on a salad..... I didn't anticipate a bug in my diner. I got charged of course, you live and you learn.

Sunday was rainy and dull. Nothing much more to say.

This week
Work is getting better....well not the amount of work, but I can tolerate the position a bit more.

Aside from that...I'm getting bored typing this and I'm sure this post is painfully drudging on, so I'm done.